I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
