So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Alive.
So much puke
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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