You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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