My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
