I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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