His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
