Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
