He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
