I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
