yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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