is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
