I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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