It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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