Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
