Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
