I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
