so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
