Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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