is your mom at the bar?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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