I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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