i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can't special order awesome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
