we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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