your thong is hanging out like whoa
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
