Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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