Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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