whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
