Farmville is her only friend.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
