I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
