:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
