i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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