When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
