Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
