Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
