Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this will be a night to untag.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize