DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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