This is not my ceiling
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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