oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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