Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
