this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
