In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
