winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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