I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
