Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
