my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
