return my video game
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
