I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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