All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
