im six kinds of drunk right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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