while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
