I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
