Got a toothbrush?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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