Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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