I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
