so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
