from now on my penis is your penis
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
