my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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