well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
