everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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