the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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