Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
