It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
