And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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