I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
